Posted on the new and under construction future home of the new Spyder's Twisted Web currently at: http://spyderbite.blogspot.com.

However, the URL: http://www.pkgamer.net will be redirecting to the new site some time between now and the 14th of next month.

In the meantime, enjoy the blog post. Following celebrities on Twitter can be entertaining for various reasons.. and I even list the top ten celebrities that I find most enjoyable to follow on Twitter!

-Spyder

And so will the blog!

So much has changed in my life in the past two years. Both online as well as offline. And, its time for a fresh start.

That includes Spyder's Twisted Web. In the very near future, I'll be redirecting the pkgamer.net domain to the new blog location.

For those using the old URL of "spyderbite.greentunic.com" that will probably stop working some time over the next 14-30 days. So be sure to update your bookmarks to www.pkgamer.net.

You can read the details about the upcoming move and changes in depth by clicking here.

The new site is very raw and I've got a lot of work to do on it. But, going forward, I'll be posting all new updates there.

Until next time,

Don't shit where you eat. Unless you live in an outhouse.

-Spyder

Hello Deziens!

I apologize for the delays between updates recently. I am currently working a couple of other projects at the moment including a whole new blog.

No, worries. STW isn't going anywhere. The new blog is non-gaming related and of a much more serious and personal nature.

Once I've got the new blog up and running, I'll return and continue to keep you updated with my distorted views of the gaming world and anything else completely offensive or entertaining that comes to mind.

In the meantime, hit a senior in the heels with your grocery cart. Its not mean, its revenge.

-Spyder

An experiment.

I don't believe in God.

Let me rephrase that. I do believe in God. I just think that he doesn't like me much. So, as a result, I don't go to to church. I don't pray. And, when I do pray its usually something a long the lines of "Fuck you.. thanks a lot".

Now you can read scripture all day long. And, you can say to yourself when that bus is about to hit you as your walking off that curb, "Thank you, Lord.. this must have been your plan for me" instead of getting the fuck out of the way.

Or, you can say to yourself, "I'm an intelligent human being in charge of my own life". And, if that bus hits you.. it wasn't God's decision. It was because you were a fucking moron.

Faith is a powerful thing. In fact it collects billions of dollars.. maybe trillions more than the corporate heads we're hunting down during this economic failure.

I work a job and I get a paycheck. Faith just hires people to perform a sermon and people are tossing money in a basket. I don't think that is fair.

I've heard many people on Facebook go "I'm going to pray for everybody in Haiti!!". What the fuck does that do? I sent $100 to the Clinton foundation for Haiti. I bet those starving people are just nom nom nom'n on your prayers instead of the fucking sandwiches I just sent them with my $100.

"But, I don't have $100, Chris!", But, you gave $10/week to your church for the past 12 months so they could say prayers? Wow.

"But, you'll go to Hell when you die, Chris unless you have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ". So, this ever forgiving savior is going to damn me to Hell if I have issues with his policies that he can't back up? Some forgiving savior. Sounds more like a circuit court judge with an election coming up to me.

In closing... I'm not an Atheist. I believe in God. I just think he has a cruel sense of humor. And, I feel that too many people have been the butt of his jokes for far too long. I prefer to think that I am in charge of my destiny and not some superior being who shakes a Magic 8 Ball every 13 seconds to decide whether I live or die. No, I'm not going to my grave thinking "Wow... if I had only eaten more bran flakes I'd be alive today" because God thought it was my "time".

I'm gonna go out going "Good one! Did you cut my brake lines? Or was it the 13 year old down the block that I wouldn't buy Girl Scout cookies from?".

Until next time.. keep it out of your Bum.. You'll go to Hell for that.. The Catholics say so.

-Spyder

I love it when you see a doctor for the first time.. they ask you a series of questions and completely misinterpret them..

Dr: "Where are you employed?"
Me: "I'm self employeed. I work at home with some travel"
Dr: "So you're unemployed. I see" :P

Dr: "Oh.. a columnist? What do you write about?"
Me: "Local politics mostly at the moment"
Dr: "I see. So you're a Democrat". :P

Me: "Well.. yes. I prefer Liberal to Democrat actually. But, what does this have to do with my health?"
Dr: "You probably endure a lot of stress as a Democrat".

Me: "So, do you want to put me on anti-depressants because I drink or because I'm a democrat?"
Dr: "There is no cure for democracy"
Me: *blank stare*

Dr: "Why do you drink do you think?"
Me: "Republicans"
Dr: "Really? Are you sure that's the reason?"
Me: "No. You're right. I think its more specific.. like maybe Sarah Palin"
Dr: "Have you read her book yet?"
Me: "No. Not until the English translation comes out"
Dr: "But it was published in the US.. it is in English"
Me: "Yah. But I don't speak Stupid"
Dr: "Now I understand why you drink"

Dr: "Ok. Drop your pants. We're going to do a testicular exam"
Me: *turns around out habit*
Dr: "No no. Turn around and face me. That exam is next time you see me"
Me: "Oh. I thought maybe we were doing both today with a reach around. Sorry"

Dr: "Your heart rate is off the charts right now. I think this is an alcohol withdrawl symptom"
Me: "You think?"
Dr: "Positive"
Me: "You don't think it had anything to do with testicle groping you just did to me?"

Nurse: "I'm going to give you some privacy so you can take your shirt off. Have you ever had an EKG before?"
Me: "No. Does it hurt?"
Nurse: "Not at all. Some people get nervous about the sensors taped to their chests though"
Me: "Nah. I'm in to that kind of stuff"

Dr: "Do you have any history of mental illness in your family"
Me: "Not that I'm aware of"
Dr: "Good. Has anybody in your family been institutionalised for mental illness?"
Me: *blank stare and a little drool*

Dr: "Ok. I'm going to go get you a sample of Levitra. I'll be right back"
Me: "Umm. For what? The Levitra that is"
Dr: "Its a drug for erectile dysfunction"
Me: "I've seen the commercials. But, why?"
Dr: "You're 40 and you drink"
Me: "Odd. I've gotten lucky more often when drinking"
Dr: "Trust me. You'll thank me for this!"
Me: "What will it do if I slip it in to somebody's drink at a bar?"

Dr: "I normally don't do follow ups on the phone if there's nothing wrong. Its a waste of my time and yours. However, I'm going to take a special interest in you"
Me: "You don't say that to somebody after playing with their balls. Seriously"

Dr: "So. I always like to ask people on their first visit to me if they had a good experience"
Me: "It was great! I got hard on drugs, uppers and felt up.. that's the best $15 co-pay I've ever spent!"

Until next time.. Keep it out of your bum.. unless your Doctor instructs otherwise!

-Spyder